VIOLATION

"Coping with being Violated"

Time goes on, Life goes on, nobody knows what you're truly feeling each day. In school, people walk past you and converse with you as if you are okay and normal. Not knowing that deep inside you are completely lost and hurting. You have urges to tell people what’s going on with you, but you're afraid of rejection, judgment, or possibly even being made fun of. In class trying to learn the lesson of the day but all you can think about is the pain of someone that claimed they loved you violated you. You still have to go home and see this person as if everything is normal.

Your life becomes black and grey, I only attended school because I felt safe and was able to get out of the “house of pain” I called it. I had friends and i acted as if nothing happened. I tried everything to fit in the crowd with other people from fashion, sports, activities until that person stole that away from me as well. So where do I turn what do I do to try and relieve this pain? Now that I’m older I understand the feeling of anxiety. This person stole my childhood. I remember trying to be so perfect in sports I was interested in but the abuse in the home and the huge anxiety and bad nerves, caused the coaches to only let me do the bare minimum. It hurt and killed me on the inside I had the goals and dreams that just was stumped on.

I would attend school with baggs underneath my eyes from being up till the crack of dawn watching him abuse my mom. And I still went to school, but I was inactive. I was a zombie, I didn’t know who I was, I started failing classes, At this point, i was just there. After a while, it was nothing but numbness that I felt. The only thing that kept me going from the attempt of suicide as a team was pursuing my dreams. I had a plan as soon as I turned 18 I was planning on enlisting in the air force and navy and never looking back.

The “violation destroyed my childhood and has affected my adulthood. At the end of the day, my journey is not over, my story is not over, my voice is loud and clear because I am now in charge of my life and choices. My voice is the most powerful thing that I have and I refuse to let “Violation’ control my life and my choice.

THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING…….